I played this remarkably unremarkable 1994 fighter called Rise of the Robots on my Super Nintendo emulator just a short while ago, and I already think it is a disaster because it is so mediocre and crippled. Crippled and shitty. Now, the 3DO version is a very impressive 3D game with sharp textures, definitely advanced beyond recognition for the time. Of course, on the SNES and Genesis ports, this is extremely scaled back, but they do feature intricate animations and digitized 3D models. Now training mode is just the first opponent without continuing, and it’s the same thing if you play that first opponent in story mode and stop after that because it is so awful and unresponsive. The mechanics are an all-out gaming disaster. Good music, bad controls, good story, controls don’t make sense. That’s Rise of the Robots in a nutshell. Unfortunately, Brian May’s probably-great music was mostly left out of the game with the exception of “The Dark”, and Brian also did a song for its sequel, Rise 2: Resurrection in 1996. This game is terrible, play it and you’ll very much see why.
“…a horror made of cardboard, plastic and appalling colours, a construction of hardened chewing gum and idiotic folklore taken straight out of comic books written for obese Americans.”
That’s what I say about ALL Disney parks!
Today we got an Xbox 360 as a gift from Andrew Bub, the Gamerdad, me and dad went to go see the best superhero movie yet, Iron Man in Algona. At first, we realized he forgot the power cord for the 360. But later, after the whole Algona thing, dad found a fitting cable for it downstairs, and he’s configuring it right now and by tomorrow, the whole thing will be laid out for me and the family. It came with Viva Pinata and Halo 3, the latter of which I hope to play. Well, that’s all, goodnight!
Helmsly runs afoul of a sleek mafia don when he borrows a hefty sum of money out of his illegal cocaine racket account. He and his mafia crew attempt to assassinate Helmsly many times afterwards.
You want to know what I think about that stupid thing a month or two ago with the 8 girls beating that other girl? Well, I came to realize just a minute ago that this crap is just today’s Rodney King: The latter was considered a brief media buzz until the 1992 Riots a year later, and the former is just the same thing. It was wrong on the part of the girls, but people are talking WAAAYYYY too much about it. It’s just another media meal to feed the monkeys at FOX News while the world is still looking for good politics. This time around, unlike the Rodney King beating, it will probably not incite rioting in the streets due to the fact the Rodney was black and it was all seen as racist, which it was, whereas here we have another crime and another bunch of criminals, nothing special. And because we live in a conservative world now due to lack of faith and GWB, these girls will be sent to jail for the rest of their lives because the idiots ’round the globe will be blaming the internet and heavy metal, as they do in pretty much every last case like this. So those were my thoughts on this horrendously overexposed trashy thing.
Real Name: John Moondog
WWE Debut: January 2008
Wrestleogriphy:
Before coming to WWE, John wrestled in independent promotions all over the world with partner Matt Striker…
In 2007, Matt spotted talent agent Johnny Ace at a bar in Michigan and asked about openings for new superstars, which resulted in Johnny requesting that his good friend John show his work. He showed Johnny his stellar 2002 match with then-unknown Orlando Jordan in promotion Underdog Championship wrestling, impressing Johnny and making him give John and Matt contracts…
December 2007: John Moondog faces Kurt Angle in a dark match for the ECW brand, losing…
The following month, he was coming to TV…
January 25th, 2008, SmackDown!: John was said to be a new prospect in WWE by Steph McMahon, who gave a debut match slot to the following week’s Wednesday Warriors, which of course aired on the 30th…
January 30th, 2008, Wednesday Warriors: John Moondog lost to Rob Conway in his debut match…
Soon after, he was made a permanent member of the SmackDown! brand…
However, after a few low-card efforts, in March he was injured after Kane pummeled him on the 21st’s edition of SmackDown!, sidelining him for 3 months. He is still awaiting his June return, having been rarely mentioned on WWE TV since then…
At the annual Spring Break fest, Helmsly learns that two otherwise-somewhat poor bartenders will need to sell their Cheers-like bar after the event. He volunteers to help them keep up the bar.
In another personal post that expresses deep support and opinion, I would like to say that beyond the obvious horrendous circumstances involved in the murders, the worst part beyond that was that WWE lost one of it’s absolute best performers ever. Benoit was a hero in wrestling and a dirty rotten no-good scoundrel in death. He was talented and was better than half of the deadbeat WWE Champs that have come and gone over the last few years, and he really should’ve won that title, not just that Heavyweight Title. He was even going to become ECW champion at Vengeance (now Night of Champions), but it was too late and he killed himself. WWE is on the brink of utter destruction and I wish Chris Benoit could be here to see what his terrible decision has done to the company he served for seven years. None of that John Morrison crap would’ve happened if Chris had won that title and John wouldn’t even have been in the match. He wrestled long and hard to get where he was at the end of his life, and in a way, he disrespected himself and his own company by doing what he did. He needed to quit WWE and get some help if that was the problem, and he could gradually work his way back onto the spotlight. But because of whatever, he did the deed and left his company in near-shambles. He could’ve achieved greatness and become a world champion again, but in the end, he became the sour news that came in during that summer of 2007.
Today officially begins summer. We already saw enough mildly humid and pleasant in-the-60s days in April to classify this as ending spring and starting summer. Yet, leaves have not even grown on the trees! Little buds are starting to pop up, and it’ll probably all spring up at once this month, but it still makes me think that A.I.P just might be blowing a hole in the ozone layer with their factory. Haven’t we already blown one massive hole with cars? Well, I was reduced to losing the jeans and t-shirt to combat the heat, with no shorts other than one pair I found that I’ll be saving for tomorrow’s shower. I’ll be moving next month, probably, and I’m starting to REALLY look forward to it. I used to be very optimistic about what I would feel like after being here for almost 5 years and moving away from grandma. But I suppose that role of the always-there relative will be mostly filled by Molly and Dan, and I can still visit her occasionally. It’s not like SHE’S moving away, and the thing is, I’ll be adopting new priorities, which will give me more things to do. So I’ll just adapt and get a different visiting system, and anyways, I’ll always be emailing her and talking to her over the phone. I guess I felt the same way about moving here and away from my old friend Hunter in Algona. And about moving next to his house and away from Texas! So I guess this just might be a life saver for all of us. Well, goodnight.
In light of the fact that The Simpsons’ renewal for a 20th season is about to become prominent, I am here to compile what I feel are the ten best and worst episodes of the series, with none of the nineteen seasons left unturned. So first we’ll start with the worst…
10: Little Big Girl (2007)
This episode aired back in Season 18 and while it has a good guest spot, it makes little sense. Keep in mind, I’m putting it at the lowest bad rating, so this isn’t the worst of the bunch. In this one, Darcy (Natalie Portman) meets a driver’s license-wielding Bart and forms a bond with him, asking him to marry her because she’s pregnant with the child of a Norwegian misfit. It says that Utah somehow invokes polygamy and underage couples, and includes a subplot that actually involves Lisa disregarding Native Americans by claiming she is one! I told all about it in a post of February 12th, 2007, so read that if you want to see more…
9: The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase (1997)
I liked this one, but I’m putting it here because it actually was NOT the season finale as it would somehow seem with this one, and it had a rather outlandish plot. I mean, it turned out to be a spoof of all those crappy spin-offs in the 70s, contrary to what fans might have thought back in 1997, but it still deserves some spot on the list because of the sheer obscure idea.
8: Barting Over (2003)
This episode is on here because FOX deliberately lied to us about it being the 300th episode. They just cheaply said that, even though it was the 302nd, to promote the stupidass Daytona 500 race that same day. Typical for those squares up there at FOX. But it does have a great plot, that’s not why it’s here. Remember, I’m also looking for episodes mired in bad marketing and controversy.
7: The Frying Game (2002)
The story is good, but the mere idea is that Homer is punished for killing a species of worm that is for some reason sexually attracted to fire by serving for Meals on Wheels, where he meets an old lady that he and Marge supposedly kill in her home, being sentenced to prison, and then finding out it was all part of an elaborate scheme by a reality show. The plot makes little sense. Moving on…
6: Tennis the Menace (2001)
We’re getting into outlandish plot territory now. We’ll get to the well-known bad ones in a bit, but here we have an episode that is just ridiculous. I mean, it touches on real aspects of the characters, but it just has an outlandish plot about Marge and Bart entering a tennis tournament, Homer being jealous…what the hell is that about???
5: Behind the Laughter (2000)
Another one that is here because of a ridiculous plot and principle. The plot is nothing, really, and the principle is that the Simps are actors in a real show and that Bart replaced Lorenzo Lamas on Renegade for some reason. I mean, they even referred to Gary Coleman as Sir Gary Coleman!
4: The Principal and the Pauper (1997)
This one is not only here because of the pretty wacky plot, but it is also here because of its infamy among fans and onlookers. It changed the continuity of the series, just a little bit. It went in a rather strange direction and disregarded things about the series. Apparently, Skinner is actually Armin Tamzarian. First of all, WHAT THE HELL IS ARMIN TAMZARIAN? That name is completely ridiculous! Other than all this, the episode is decent.
3: Bart to the Future (2000)
This is in bad territory, yet it still features funny things. Why is it on the number three spot? Well, it is professionally regarded as terrible and outlandish, so it’s here, and it’s simply bad. It’s about a Native American mystic showing Bart his future in a fire, featuring Lisa as prez and Marge and Homer trying to dig for Lincoln’s gold. Even Bart commented on how strange that last part was!
2: Kill the Alligator and Run (2000)
I don’t have an image for it, but it features Kid Rock and Joe C. This episode is just a disaster. It’s about some alligator who gets killed and…Simpsons banned from Florida…Homer wants to have fun…DYUH! This episode sucks major ass! I usually don’t even bother to watch this one or think about it! It’s minor and it just sucks!
1! Saddlesore Galactica (2000)
This episode is another Season 11 2000 Abomination. It is the single most ridiculous piece of dog sh*t I have ever witnessed on television. It actually has horse riding, leprechauns, it really just is the worst episode ever. I can hardly even tell you about this horrible thing, it is just a DISASTER.
Okay, we saw the worst, but what about the ones that we love?
10: A Tale of Two Springfields (2000)
This has a good feel and is a bright point of 2000 and Season 12. It features The Who and Homer becoming “mayor” of New Springfield, a side of town made after the area code split, giving the other half the title of Olde Springfield. Homer’s anger and hilarious shortcomings show, especially when he envisions his new mayoral job as being more akin to a cowboy-themed TV show.
9: Homerpalooza (1996)
A good look by our favorite bald fat guy on youth culture. What more could you ask for? My favorite band The Smashing Pumpkins makes various quips with Homer, such as the suggestion that then-bassist D’arcy Wretzky went to Springfield High School. We also see a disgruntled Peter Frampton, Cypress Hill, and Sonic Youth.
8: A Fish Called Selma (1996)
Another Season 7 episode, A Fish Called Selma is simply great. It has a prominent guest spot by Phil Hartman as Troy McClure, probably his only time as a leading role in an episode. He marries Aunt Selma and leeches off of her in a blatant sham marriage designed to boost his career after allegations of a fish fetish sunk him. Jeff Goldblum also guests as a cynical agent named MacArthur Parker who pushes for him to have a baby, only leading Selma to dump him.
7: Origin Trilogy (1992-1995)
I’m giving this entry to all three episodes, aired in Season 3, 4 and 6 respectively, that detail the births of the three kids. Bart’s birth and Marge and Homer’s marriage are seen in I Married Marge (1992, Season 3), while we see how sweet little Lisa was at birth in Lisa’s First Word (1992, Season 4) and finally, Maggie’s birth is seen in And Maggie Makes Three (1995, Season 6). All are good episodes with very heartfelt moments.
6: Cape Feare (1993)
In Sideshow Bob’s third time around, he was established here as a semi-recurring character, also notable for being the first real time Kelsey Grammer was well-known, due to Frasier airing at the time. Greatness abounds around the episode, with the famous rake-smacking scene that has been referenced over-and-over. On to the next…
5: Homer’s Triple Bypass (1992)
While we’re not in all-too-notable territory, this episode is a marvelous effort that deserves a spot on the list. I especially like when Krusty is visiting the surgery-pending Homer in the hospital and acting like a goon. Nothing too special, just funny and good.
4: There’s No Disgrace Like Home (1990)
This is the fourth episode of the ENTIRE series. We see the early signs of idiot syndrome in Homer and Bart, and we are getting an experience that still isn’t perfect, but still deserves a rightful place here as a high point of the first season. We of course are introduced to Marvin Monroe, who attempts to treat the Simpsons of their anger and aggression, to little success.
3: Last Exit to Springfield (1993)
Sometimes regarded as the best, this one is a classic. Homer becomes president of the labor union at the plant, leading a protest against Burns’ removal of the dental plan in exchange for a contract that includes a free keg of beer. The repeated “Dental Plan!” “Lisa Needs Braces!” lines are in here, buzzing in Homer’s head.
2: Krusty Gets Kancelled (1993)
Another great one from the fourth season, the finale in fact. It sheds light for what might be the first major time on Krusty’s woeful career, leading to his cancellation after a competitor finally beats him in the ratings. Bart and Lisa save his career by organizing a comeback special with Bette Midler, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, Johnny Carson, Hugh Hefner and Luke Perry. It doesn’t get much better than this: an episode that concluded one of the best seasons of the whole show.
1! Moaning Lisa (1990)
An emotionally magnificent episode, Moaning Lisa is a legendary classic. Bleedin’ Gums Murphy, Homer VS. Bart in a video game, everything! It establishes Lisa’s unfurnished love for jazz music by acquainting her with a lonely jazz man that would, five years later, become another reason for her sadness after his passing. You may not agree, but I say this episode has had a profound influence on the series today.
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